


One Year

by Trexi



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Era, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Magic Reveal, Post-Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 12:21:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15243297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trexi/pseuds/Trexi
Summary: Merlin sneaks away on the day before the one-year anniversary of Arthur ‘slaying’ the Great Dragon. Arthur really needed that speech done, so of course he followed his manservant.





	One Year

My idiot manservant just had to sneak out of Camelot right when I needed him to write this speech about slaying the Great Dragon a year ago tomorrow. It’s not like I need his help writing a speech. He’s just the only one who remembered what happened. So he has no excuse to be sitting in front of this lake and missing all his usual cheer. Naturally, I’m concealed in the trees and in the perfect position to eavesdrop as he starts talking to himself.

“Hello, Freya. It’s been a while. Sorry I couldn’t make it back for your one-year. The prat decided to go on an extended hunting trip that week. I barely made it out today. But with the celebration tomorrow and everyone being so happy, I had to come. At least on your anniversary, everyone wasn’t jumping with joy. With his though... I just hope this doesn’t become a yearly thing. Uther probably organised it to cover up that Morgana is still missing.”

Merlin drops his head. “Maybe if I had just trusted her, things could’ve been different. If I had told her about you, do you think she would’ve helped save you? She helped Mordred.” He grins; it’s a twisted painful grin. “Something tells me Arthur wouldn’t have gone along with helping you. If he knew, if he knew what you meant to me, would he have still done it?”

No. I know that tone. Families of knights that I faced in battle use it. Don’t say it, Merlin. Not you too. Please, don’t say it.

“Would he still have killed you?”

I wouldn’t have. I don’t care who she was or what she did. I wouldn’t have.

Merlin laughs. “If he knew about me, he’d be the first in line.” He stares out at the lake. “I’m not sure if I’d escape. It’d be easy. Camelot’s guards are idiots. But if Arthur was the one giving the command, then what would be the point? I can’t save his life if he thinks I’m a monster. Maybe I really am one though. Morgana would certainly think so by now. I don’t think I’m the man you knew anymore. If I knew this is what he meant by my destiny, I would’ve walked straight out of Camelot and not looked back. I didn’t sign up for poisoning my friend. I didn’t sign up for the guilt of his attack. I didn’t sign up to lose both you and my father within days of meeting you.”

I brace myself on a tree, holding myself back from launching into the clearing and demanding answers.

“What’s the point in being two sides of the same coin when I can’t even share the burden with Arthur? Sure he’s got being the Crown Prince on his plate, but at least he doesn’t have to defend Camelot against every magical attack and assassination without claiming credit and sometimes even being punished by the same man he just sacrificed a little bit of his soul for. I’ve lost track. I’ve lost track of the amount of times I’ve saved his life and the amount of people I’ve hurt or killed to do it. I’ve lost track of the impossible decisions I’ve been forced to make.”

He takes a breath. “I wish Balinor, Father, had taken Mother with him. I wish we could’ve lived as a family. I wish this was someone else’s destiny. I didn’t ask for this. But I’d never ask it of anyone else. And if the price was my magic, well, I don’t think I could pay it.”

Balinor is his father. Merlin has magic. His father died a year ago, today.

“Maybe we’ll find Morgana soon. Maybe after a year with her sister, she’ll realise that I had no choice. It was her or Camelot. Maybe she’s stayed away from the dark side of magic. Then again, I’ve never been that lucky.” Merlin stands. “I better go back and finish the prat’s speech. I’ll try not to laugh too much when he gets all full-of-himself still thinking he killed Kilgharrah. It’s like he just forgets when Gaius says something can only be killed by magic or a dragon can only be killed by a dragonlord. Good thing Kilgharrah has to follow my command and never return to Camelot or I’d have a lot of explaining to do.”

You can say that again. I don’t say anything though, not as I follow Merlin back or even for the first five minutes of him cleaning my chambers while I drum my fingers against the speech. I should have him arrested. He’s a sorcerer.

“Take the rest of the day off. I won’t need you tomorrow either.”

Merlin drops the pillow he was adjusting. “What?”

“Before I change my mind, Merlin.”

He has the audacity to stride up to me and feel my forehead. “Are you feeling alright?”

“I’m giving you a day off and you’re asking me that?”

“Well, it’s not like you’ve done it before,” he says with a grin. Sorcerer or not, he’s still Merlin. “Haven’t gotten knocked out recently or anything? It could be a concussion speaking.”

I grab my goblet. “Day off or day in the stocks. You choose.”

He considers it. “I think I’ll go with the day off.” Merlin’s at the door when he turns back. “Good luck with writing the speech by yourself.”

I throw the goblet. Merlin dodges it with a laugh. After he closes the door, I let my smile drop. One day, I will get my answers from him. Today, I’ll let him mourn his father. I will, however, throw him in the stocks sometime soon for making me lie in front of Camelot and say I killed that dragon. And I’ll be first in line to throw fruit at him, never to execute him.

**Author's Note:**

> It kind of bothered me that Merlin didn't go to Morgana for help with Freya even though she was so willing with Mordred. I guess at that point he had already started distrusting her too much and, in Merlin-typical fashion, thought he had everything under control.


End file.
